If you haven’t read my previous post (Waiting For Test Results), I’d highly recommend going and reading that before this one. This post may not make much sense without the context of that one. For those looking for updates on Angela, it depends on the day. Some days are good, some are not. We are currently trying to get some medicine adjusted to see if that helps. To add some fun to our life, Addie fractured one of her toes last week.
To say this process has raised some questions would be an understatement. I used to think I needed to hide my questions from God. If I went to Him with questions about what was going on in my life, I would think that was equivalent to doubt. If I was angry or confused, I would try to get over it before going to God or I would just pretend like I wasn’t. Fake it till you make it, right? Over the past couple of years I’ve realized just how foolish this is.
God knows everything, and I knew that, but in my foolishness I’d put up this front to try to force godliness. What kind of relationship is that? If there was someone in my life that pretended to be close to me when I knew they weren’t and our friendship seemed forced, I’d cut that person out of my life. Yet, this is how I treated God.
I’ve started having real conversations with God. Some days that means I am praising Him and very thankful. Some days that means I am confused and have a lot of questions. Some days that means I am telling God that I am struggling to even talk to him because I am frustrated. Some days it is all of the above. And I’ve come to learn that none of these make me less of a Christian or less godly. These things bring me closer to God.
My questions don’t mean I am doubting. My emotions don’t mean I don’t believe. Through this process there are a few things I have come to expect. I won’t always get answers to my questions and I won’t always be right. Sometimes I just need to get some things off my chest and allow God’s peace to fill the void. Sometimes I need to ask all my questions and be reminded that God is my rock in the storm. The storm may rage on, but I can be placed back on solid ground.
I’ve also learned to approach these things in humility or expect to be humbled. God doesn’t mind if we bring questions to Him or are honest about how we are feeling. Philippians 4:6 tells us in every situation to present our requests to God. But if I come in acting like I know what is going on and what is right, I’ll quickly be reminded that I don’t have a clue. However, when I come in humility, it allows the peace of God to guard my heart and mind like Philippians 4:7 promises.
God is a loving father that desires to have a relationship with His children. He knows we are all flawed and don’t have it figured out. He expects us to have questions, and He knows that He is the only one that can provide the answers. My questions only bring me into a deeper relationship with Him.
until next time…